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  To hit or not to hit - smacking debated print this article   email this article   post your comments  tweet this 
  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009

To Name Withheld (clearly you know it’s wrong and don’t want to be identified!) and Mirdif Mum.  Smacking is definitely not OK - how would you like it if you didn’t want to do something and then someone four/five times your size came over and smacked YOU?

Suppose your husband said something you didn’t like and you shouted back and then they hit you to shut you up - that’s OK is it?  

It’s called domestic violence - it’s the same as hitting your kids.

Children are learning all the time, they are YOUR children who you love, who you oohed and cooed around when they were born - how could you hit them now?

When you hit them (I think the term “Smacking” is probably a soft word given as an excuse by people like you to justify the abuse) they think that’s OK and will carry it into the playground. It’s not OK, OK?

Non-hitter
Dubai
****************
It is with great relief that I finally see some sensible parenting.

This whole trendy nonsense of “Time out” and “sitting on the naughty mat “ does not work. And it is proven here just walking in the malls, the consistently badly behaved oh and did I forget to mention “spoilt “ brats running around without an ounce of discipline is unbelievable.

We didn’t have “Time out” when I was a kid we had “knocked out” and it really didn’t do us any harm at all.

Royston Ranches
Dubai




 
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Comments

dear non-hitter, get your head out your *****. discipline and domestic violence is not the same thing. it's people like you who belittles the seriousness of domestic violence. you were obviously not disciplined as a child and now we all suffer as a result thereof by reading your ignorant letter. royston ranches, we are, in fact, better people because of stricter discipline & i thank my parents often for smacking me when i was little!
Posted by :  MKDxb      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
Non-hitter - thanks to people like you we have the worse teenagers nowadays cause they know for a fact that whatever they do there will be no repercussions from mummmy and daddy thats worth worrying about. Time out - ha ha - easy peasy, no pocket money - no problem overloaded friends will cover the bills till I pay back. No manners or respect - naughty child - say sorry - aagh. Royston - dont upset the modern shrinks - as according to them we are all abusive and would be murderer as we got clipped a few times by our parents. Of course they dont want to acknowledge that we are also the most hard working, responsible and considerate generation compared to the pampered generation of today.
Posted by :  A. A. Ali      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
I Need Facts Sorry for my lack of knowlege. Every time I have smack my son I feel guilty about releasing my anger over him.If there any scientific studies than can prove any beneficial effects on children education, I'll start smaking my son today, without regrets.
Posted by :  Second Look      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
OMG ‘non-hitter’ lol! Here is a quote from a “famous book:” Spare the rod and spoil the child!
Posted by :  Dubaiexpat      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
now this is what i like to see a good old debate. I am pro smacking. I got a few good smacks as a kid, with a news paper, a wooden spoon, a slipper, and it never did me any harm, yeah i cried and it hurt for a few minutes but i learnt my lesson after that. This whole approach of the 'naughty step' and 'time out' doesnt teach kids right from wrong, they can misbehave, throw tantrums and five minutes later get a hug and get told how loved they are. When I have kids and we are out in public they will behave, they will sit at a table for the entire meal instead of running around ruining everyone elses evening and they wont scream the whole mall down and if they dont stop crying i will give them something to cry about, just as I used to be told.
Posted by :  bubbles      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
To Non-Hitter, I think you took the whole concept of smacking completely out of context. The idea of smacking a child is not to exert physical pain on the child, it is meant to be used to show the child what they did is wrong. That is why sometimes you see children crying even if the smack doesn't sting, its because they already associate the act of smacking with punishment. It is not meant to be painful as you are trying to say. The same reasoning applies to your next point...the point of smacking your child is not because you are 4 to 5 times bigger than him or her so you CAN do it, it is because your child needs to learn to respect you as a parent, not just as anyone else. So if you choose not to smack your child, that's your choice, it isn't wrong. But don't criticize the parenting styles of others. So to Name Withheld and Mirdif Mum, it may be a little painful now but it will go a long way in the future.
Posted by :  MirdifG      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
Boy i was smacked for any minor mistakes i did make No doubt i was naughty at sometimes.
Posted by :  Errol Dsouza      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
While smacking may be necessary in some cases, a line needs to be drawn. The other day in a mall, a father was trying to hit his child, who may have been 4 at the most, and the mother was trying to push the father away. I am sure the father was convinced he was doing the right thing by "not sparing the rod". Also, in some communities, children are beaten with belts for not doing good in their studies....
Posted by :  United84      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
Non-hitter is a regular 'Supernanny' watcher for sure. Disciplining the child needs to be looked in a different way than the domestic abuse. We all have been hit by parents once in a while & none of us have regretted that or are blaming our parents for that. I've smacked my daughter when she was a kid as a desperate measure when all other attempts failed too. She has not turned into my enemy today. We're parents, not friends. We can be friendly but never friends who accpet all their faults & misbehaviour without trying to correct them. We've not smacked our kids for fun nor did our parents. We did feel guilty but it's all in the parental package. Get over it.
Posted by :  krkh      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
@ non-hitter, I suggest that you go to a certain cafe in the Gold & Diamond park on a Friday morning & see the results of not disciplining your child properly.
Posted by :  veritas      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
Errol, that explains a great deal. :-)
Posted by :  veritas      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
to non hitter: spanking is NOT equal to beating the child silly. What parent wouldn't want the POWER to just give a "look" to a misbehaving child and instantly transform him into a cherub? No, it doesn't happen.. even if you stare until your eyes pop out. If you went through this episode with him before and he got a good spanking, the "stare" would probably remind him of that day and he would behave. Otherwise, a child will constantly test how far he can push your buttons and at one point, you need to draw a very clear line. So just be the best parents that you can be because there is no Parenting 101 to prepare us for this.
Posted by :  wyxz      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
Well I for one did spank all my children when neccessary. They are very well disciplined. However, having said that, I have seen many abuse cases in my professional life, and as I have witnessed here, a great disconnect between the parents and their children, it leads me to wonder if the simple spank could turn violent? I would say in this part of the world the best way initially would to try connecting with your child. Be aware of everything your child is doing and engage that child into the proper behavior. But from my experience, we are the best example and the most influential person in their life (if you don't have a nanny or maid.) If a parent is out of control and spits in the face of others, disobeys the laws, throws tempers in public when the adult doesn't get their way....then what do you expect from your child? Spanking won't cure that.
Posted by :  jamay      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
WXYZ....well said. Excellent point. WHile I agree with you and think your comments are brilliant, I do have to challenge you on this one. I think that in many cases, the PARENT'S are out of control. SO how could we expect them to simply "pop" their little darlings bottom and get the point across?? It makes my stomach upset the recall the many, many times I have seen border line abuse in public here. On children (granted they are brat's and out of control) but they have never been role modeled control. It seems as if the entire family Dad,mom and down are out of control. So this issue is more complex in this culture and society. I have to bring it all back to the adults. THey need to get their act together before "beating/spanking" it into their children. PEACE!! ;-)
Posted by :  jamay      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
To suggest the apalling behaviour of some of the brats you see around Dubai is due to a softer form of discipline (eg time out) rather than being hit is missing the point. These children are a result of poor parenting skills and often because they spend most of their time in the charge of maids (or nannies some jokers call them) who are too scared of losing their jobs to practice any form of discipline whatsoever. Spend more time with your children and then (assuming your values are high) then they will learn from you. I am a parent by the way.
Posted by :  CTMirdif      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
CTMirdif.....Brilliant, Birlliant, Brilliant!! You hit the point, bulls eye!! Parents, if you are going to bring these children into this world, then at least RAISE THEM and GUIDE them YOURSELVES!! Or perhaps you need to enroll in a SEX ED class and figure out how you keep producing children!!
Posted by :  jamay      On :  Wednesday 30 Sep, 2009
 
I agree. Once we came out of an electronic store after buying a TV. We couldn't get to the walkalator because a group of women decided to hold a meeting right there on the landing. As they moved out of the way (ssssllllloooowwwllly), one child starting pounding on the box of the TV as if it was a drum set. I told him "No, don't do that" to which HE GAVE ME a stern look and pounded even harder! I told him "You are a naughty boy. That is not a good thing to do." As we headed down, the mother apparently heard me and started shouting "Why you call my son naughty, he is not naughty!" I looked at her and told her.."Oh, no wonder he's like that, you're his mother!" Yep. The child wasn't naughty at all. His only fault is having a mom like her.
Posted by :  wyxz      On :  Thursday 1 Oct, 2009
 
CT Mirdif - you hit the nail home and you can see the difference between children raised by parents full time and those raised by nannies and maids.
Posted by :  A. A. Ali      On :  Thursday 8 Oct, 2009
 
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